King Of The World

OK FINE. i shall update since people are asking me to update. while emauz is being a dick and studying too hard and.. you get the general idea.

what should i update about? since jazzen has asked me not to update about him i have lost my favorite blog topic. ah i know. i shall insult emauz since he doesnt even bother to read here nowadays. =P

imagine if one day emauz becomes ruler of all the world. as you know, all kings have a title. like king jazzen the flirtatious. oops. somewhere around there lo. so i shall now give some insight as to what emauz's title will be.

king emauz the..

study - er of all time
mugger of the universe
knowledgeable one
exalted know - it - all
amazingly smart
extremely clever
gl - like no other
mug face
smart aleck
pain in the butt
smartest in the world
big - brained
genius of the world
one who makes einstein seem as clever as jazzen (hee hee)

maybe we should give some titles to jazzen as well.

king jazzen the..

fruit eater
flirtatious
hot
sexy
one who thinks 30 girlfriends are not enough
horny
MOLED
delicious
petter
ramboer
oh - so - mature
fruit smoothie lover
most desirable

yeah. OH I MISSED OUT ONE MORE.

king jazzen the ERECTED. =D

oh forgive me your majesties. wahahahaha.

yours GL-LY-WHILE (blahblahblahblahblah), JESSE.

Tell The Truth!

today i was feeling extremely gl. so i had a GL convo with kimberly who is not telling the truth.

kim is blah     says:
blah

JESSE says:
u saying ur name?

kim is blah     says:
no i'm not ;p

kim is blah     says:
unfair guy

JESSE says:
yes you are

JESSE says:
you said 'blah'

kim is blah     says:
yeah , i'm blah :D

JESSE says:
then when i ask if you saying your name you say you're not?

JESSE says:
is your name not or blah

JESSE says:
say properly leh

kim is blah     says:
LOL

kim is blah     says:
ya hor i said not

kim is blah     says:
nope , i'm blah :D

kim is blah     says:
kimberly blah

JESSE says:
no

JESSE says:
dont come and confuse people

JESSE says:
so your name is kimberly blah or not

kim is blah     says:
kimberly blah :D

JESSE says:
so its not not lah

kim is blah     says:
yesh

JESSE says:
are you telling the truth

kim is blah     says:
yep

JESSE says:
OI

kim is blah     says:
kimberly blah :D

JESSE says:
you say your name is kimberly blah

JESSE says:
den u now go change to telling the truth

JESSE says:
wad is tis

kim is blah     says:
what are you talking

kim is blah     says:
damn

JESSE says:
are you kimberly blah?

kim is blah     says:
i am

JESSE says:
are you telling the truth?

kim is blah     says:
yes

JESSE says:
so are you kimberly blah or telling the truth

kim is blah     says:
oooh , i get it now

kim is blah     says:
i am KIMBERLY BLAH

kim is blah     says:
:D

JESSE says:
so are you telling the truth?

kim is blah     says:
damn, how to answer

JESSE says:
yes or no

kim is blah     says:
no

JESSE says:
den wad is your name

JESSE says:
liar

kim is blah     says:
shut up you

JESSE says:
ok

JESSE says:
thank you for participating in my new blogpost

JESSE says:
=)

kim is blah     says:
what the shit

kim is blah     says:
...

hee hee. today is a good day.

therefore, YOURS GL-LY-WHILE-WAITING-FOR-THAT-DICK-EMAUZ-TO-UPDATE-SINCE-PRELIMS-ARE-OVER-AND-HE-SHOULD-BE-FREE-NOW-UNLESS-HE-IS-BEING-A-NERD-AND-ALREADY-PREPARING-FOR-O-LEVELS, JESSE.

Yet Another Parody

ok jazzen has bugged me to update about another song so i shall do it. time to feel stupid and lamed out once again..

i took a while to choose this song. because i just dont know what to use. so in the end its a parody.

original song - i'm yours by jason mraz
edited version - you're mine by JAZZEN mraz

Well i stuck IT in and i know that you felt IT
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that IT stood up
IT went through THE crack
And now IT'S trying to get back
Before the steam done run out
IT'll be giving you my bestest
Nothing's gonna stop IT but divine intervention
I reckon its again IT'S turn
To get in and come out

I wont hesitate no more no more
IT cannot wait, you're mine

Well open up your (jazzen's fav thing) and feel IT
Open up your (jazzen's fav thing) and youll be free
Stuffed into your *ehm* make love love love
Listen to the moaning of the moment maybe moan with me
Our love peaceful melody
It's IT'S godforsaken right to make love love love love love

So i wont hesitate no more no more
IT cannot wait, you're mine
There's no need to complicate
IT is not short
This is your fate, you're mine

I've been way too long checking my thing in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see IT clearer
IT sprayed and fogged up the glass
So i drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i'm a saying is there aint no better reason
To rid yourself of virginity and go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Being a virgin is not cool

So i wont hesitate no more no more
IT cannot wait, you're mine
There's no need to complicate
IT is not short
This is your fate, you're mine

no prizes for guessing what jazzen's favorite thing is.

even more no prizes for guessing what IT is.

who asked you to ask me to update. your fault.

therefore YOURS Gl-LY-WHILE-EMAUZ-IS-STILL-BEING-A-DICK-AND-STUDYING-TOO-HARD-FOR-PRELIMS-AND-O'S-AND-GOD-KNOWS-WHAT, JESSE.

Dreaming On

i shall today attempt to do another song translation which is hopefully gna be better than the national day ones. tis is to keep MY readers amused (EAT THAT MOUZ) while they are too bored and accidentally come to this webpage where they become stupider after reading what i say all the time.

the original song is dream on by aerosmith

of course if youre bored you can go youtube DANNY GOKEY SCREECH FROM HELL. make sure you keep the volume TO THE MAX and on FULL SURROUND STEREO for maximum effects.

Everytime that I look in the mirror - I am extremely zilian
All these lines on my face gettin clearer - I am an old fag
The past is gone - I am older than you
It went by like dust to dawn - Life is short
Isnt that the way - I am acting old
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay - I am acting philosophical

I know what nobody knows - I AM CLEVERER THAN YOU
Where it comes and where it goes - I know how 'it' acts
I know its everybodys sin - You all are stupid sinners
You got to lose to know how to win - Failure is success mother

Half my life is in books written pages - I am famous
Live and learn from fools and from sages - Learn from everybody and everyone even if they are stupid
You know its true - Listen to me
All the things come back to you - I teach you KARMA

Sing with me, sing for the years - Lets have a sing along session
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears - That will make you cry because you laugh too hard at my lousy singing
Sing with me, if its just for today - Sing along with me NOW
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away - Or tomorrow you DIE
(x2)- Times two also dno

Dream on, dream on - Sleep longer sleep longer
Dream yourself a dream come true - Sleep longer until your dream comes true
Dream on, dream on - Sleep longer sleep longer
Dream until your dream come true - Sleep longer until your dream comes true
Dream on, dream on, dream on... - Sleep longer until your MOM WAKE YOU UP TO GO SCHOOL

haiya. ok so i updated. this whole month that idiot havent update yet. maybe if i insult him more he will start updating. or maybe i should just dream on.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.

Why Coconuts Are Unique

ok as my retarded partner is gearing up for his prelims and os and refusing to post for a long period of time, i haf gained total ownership of this blog. joking.

recently i learnt that jazzen likes coconuts. his new favorite fruit. and as he has been pestering me to update i shall oblige him with a post about none other than his favorite coconuts.

some interesting facts about coconuts

young coconuts have a sweet juice and the meat is very thin, soft and delicate, leading some to call it jelly.

coconut water is a rich source of potassium and is nutritious. therefore if you electrolysed concentrated coconut water you MIGHT (very unlikely) have an explosion due to the reaction of potassium with water.

flowers of the coconut palm are POLYGAMONOECIOUS. bet i just owned you there with bio.

coconuts are deadly. the claim is often made that a person is more likely to be killed by a falling coconut than by a shark.

in Kerala in South India, coconut flowers must be present during a marriage ceremony.

jazzen must eat coconuts everyday.

and the most interesting one of all.. they are not exactly fruits.
COCONUTS ARE ALSO CLASSIFIED UNDER SEEDS.

so jazzen does not like fruits now. he likes seeds. so here is a list on what fruits he should NEVER LIKE.

papaya
watermelon
mango
durian
dragonfruit

and the most CANNOT one of all..

SEEDLESS GRAPES.

ha ha. gna get ramboed again.

yours GL-LY, cos EMAUZ IS BEING A DICK AND STUDYING TOO HARD, JESSE.

Some Interesting Google Searches

while in class NOW i decided to google some rubbish. these are some really weird results i came across..

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm - 41300 results
stupid idiot test - 700000 results
apple pie language - 772000 results
retarded animal babies - 86500 results
overgrown dog nails - 101000 results
useless knowledge - 2880000 results
troublesome priest - 326000 results
obama cookie recipe - 316000 results
duck for president - 2460000 results

and the best of all..

george bush is a monkey - 1300000 results

dont ask me how i managed to think up of these searches in the first place.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.

National Day Parade.. Disaster

once upon a time, there was a boy called. erm. dowan jazzen le. scared he rambo me. ok once upon a time there was a boy called DWAIN. =)

dwain died a horrible death. why, you may ask. we all have a lesson to learn from this. this is a report on the final moments leading up to his death..

the day is aug 9th.

57mins - he tells his lover phyee that he will never see her again. leaving her in tears, he gears up for his final act.

54mins - he has to find his ak47. he realises that he has left it at his friends house and goes to retrieve it.

37mins - he finds it. he then makes his way to the marina barrage.

29mins - he forces entry and lies in wait for the ndp to start.

8mins - he gets his chance! the emcee comes out and as he says 'goodmorning singapore..' he snatches the mike away and he says 'its goodAFTERNOON you idiot!'. he then proceeds to point his ak47 at the president.

3mins - after a tense standoff, he grabs the mike again. he then makes his fatal mistake. he says...

'I THINK PEOPLE WHO WEAR RED OR WHITE SUCK!'

2mins - the people are incensed. they break down the barriers and rush towards dwain.

1min - dwain knows he's doomed. therefore, as a last resort, he decides to shoot at a few people with his ak47. to his horror, he discovers that it is a toy gun that he bought from ebay.

0min - dwain is torn to 09082008 pieces.

therefore, manymany lessons learnt.

1 - never gatecrash an national day parade and say the people suck
2 - make sure your gun is real
3 - never use ebay

now dwain's gna rambo me.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.