Dreaming On

i shall today attempt to do another song translation which is hopefully gna be better than the national day ones. tis is to keep MY readers amused (EAT THAT MOUZ) while they are too bored and accidentally come to this webpage where they become stupider after reading what i say all the time.

the original song is dream on by aerosmith

of course if youre bored you can go youtube DANNY GOKEY SCREECH FROM HELL. make sure you keep the volume TO THE MAX and on FULL SURROUND STEREO for maximum effects.

Everytime that I look in the mirror - I am extremely zilian
All these lines on my face gettin clearer - I am an old fag
The past is gone - I am older than you
It went by like dust to dawn - Life is short
Isnt that the way - I am acting old
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay - I am acting philosophical

I know what nobody knows - I AM CLEVERER THAN YOU
Where it comes and where it goes - I know how 'it' acts
I know its everybodys sin - You all are stupid sinners
You got to lose to know how to win - Failure is success mother

Half my life is in books written pages - I am famous
Live and learn from fools and from sages - Learn from everybody and everyone even if they are stupid
You know its true - Listen to me
All the things come back to you - I teach you KARMA

Sing with me, sing for the years - Lets have a sing along session
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears - That will make you cry because you laugh too hard at my lousy singing
Sing with me, if its just for today - Sing along with me NOW
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away - Or tomorrow you DIE
(x2)- Times two also dno

Dream on, dream on - Sleep longer sleep longer
Dream yourself a dream come true - Sleep longer until your dream comes true
Dream on, dream on - Sleep longer sleep longer
Dream until your dream come true - Sleep longer until your dream comes true
Dream on, dream on, dream on... - Sleep longer until your MOM WAKE YOU UP TO GO SCHOOL

haiya. ok so i updated. this whole month that idiot havent update yet. maybe if i insult him more he will start updating. or maybe i should just dream on.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.

Why Coconuts Are Unique

ok as my retarded partner is gearing up for his prelims and os and refusing to post for a long period of time, i haf gained total ownership of this blog. joking.

recently i learnt that jazzen likes coconuts. his new favorite fruit. and as he has been pestering me to update i shall oblige him with a post about none other than his favorite coconuts.

some interesting facts about coconuts

young coconuts have a sweet juice and the meat is very thin, soft and delicate, leading some to call it jelly.

coconut water is a rich source of potassium and is nutritious. therefore if you electrolysed concentrated coconut water you MIGHT (very unlikely) have an explosion due to the reaction of potassium with water.

flowers of the coconut palm are POLYGAMONOECIOUS. bet i just owned you there with bio.

coconuts are deadly. the claim is often made that a person is more likely to be killed by a falling coconut than by a shark.

in Kerala in South India, coconut flowers must be present during a marriage ceremony.

jazzen must eat coconuts everyday.

and the most interesting one of all.. they are not exactly fruits.
COCONUTS ARE ALSO CLASSIFIED UNDER SEEDS.

so jazzen does not like fruits now. he likes seeds. so here is a list on what fruits he should NEVER LIKE.

papaya
watermelon
mango
durian
dragonfruit

and the most CANNOT one of all..

SEEDLESS GRAPES.

ha ha. gna get ramboed again.

yours GL-LY, cos EMAUZ IS BEING A DICK AND STUDYING TOO HARD, JESSE.

Some Interesting Google Searches

while in class NOW i decided to google some rubbish. these are some really weird results i came across..

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm - 41300 results
stupid idiot test - 700000 results
apple pie language - 772000 results
retarded animal babies - 86500 results
overgrown dog nails - 101000 results
useless knowledge - 2880000 results
troublesome priest - 326000 results
obama cookie recipe - 316000 results
duck for president - 2460000 results

and the best of all..

george bush is a monkey - 1300000 results

dont ask me how i managed to think up of these searches in the first place.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.

National Day Parade.. Disaster

once upon a time, there was a boy called. erm. dowan jazzen le. scared he rambo me. ok once upon a time there was a boy called DWAIN. =)

dwain died a horrible death. why, you may ask. we all have a lesson to learn from this. this is a report on the final moments leading up to his death..

the day is aug 9th.

57mins - he tells his lover phyee that he will never see her again. leaving her in tears, he gears up for his final act.

54mins - he has to find his ak47. he realises that he has left it at his friends house and goes to retrieve it.

37mins - he finds it. he then makes his way to the marina barrage.

29mins - he forces entry and lies in wait for the ndp to start.

8mins - he gets his chance! the emcee comes out and as he says 'goodmorning singapore..' he snatches the mike away and he says 'its goodAFTERNOON you idiot!'. he then proceeds to point his ak47 at the president.

3mins - after a tense standoff, he grabs the mike again. he then makes his fatal mistake. he says...

'I THINK PEOPLE WHO WEAR RED OR WHITE SUCK!'

2mins - the people are incensed. they break down the barriers and rush towards dwain.

1min - dwain knows he's doomed. therefore, as a last resort, he decides to shoot at a few people with his ak47. to his horror, he discovers that it is a toy gun that he bought from ebay.

0min - dwain is torn to 09082008 pieces.

therefore, manymany lessons learnt.

1 - never gatecrash an national day parade and say the people suck
2 - make sure your gun is real
3 - never use ebay

now dwain's gna rambo me.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.

Math As You Grow Older

K indergarten: 1 bun + 1 bun = ?

P SLE: Amy, Bob and Charlie share 28 buns altogether in the ratio of 2:1:4 respectively. How many buns did Amy receive?

'O' Level: Amy, Bob and Charlie each share a box of buns. Each box contains 5 red buns, three blueberry buns and two coconut buns. Amy picks two buns from her box at random. Find the probability that the two buns are of the same flavour.

'A' Level: Amy's kidneys clearance have a BUN value of 10mg/mmol and Bob's cholesterol have a mass of 60 mg, which is 3 times the value of Amy's kidney clearantine value. Calculate her Urea molecular weight in dl/Urea and mg/dl BUN. (Assume Amy has an age of between 15 to 20)

'B' Level: Amy, Bob and Charlie each share a box of buns. Each box contains 5 red buns, three blueberry buns and two coconut buns. Furthermore, Amy will tie her hair into a bun if Bob either took 5 red buns from the box consecutively or 1 coconut bun from the box. However, if Amy tie her hair into a bun, Charlie will HAVE to take a blueberry bun from the box. Out of the 2 coconut buns, one of them contain a preservative which allows the bread to be kept at room temperature for six days. The other breads are not preserved and therefore, spoils in just 1 day. Every 3 days a week, Bob will have to work 6 hours a day, and 3 hours after buying the bread, he will either take 2 coconut buns or 1 red bean bun. The probability that he will forget to eat the buns is 1 out of every 3 days he works. Everytime he forgets to eat the bun, his colleague will steal one of the 3 buns.
(a) What is the probability of Amy having food poisoning, after eating Bob's colleague's stolen bread?
(b) What is the probability of Amy tying her hair into a bun when Bob goes to work?

credit to lamebonder. =)

YOURS GL-LY, JESSE.

How To Ace 2.4 For Dummies

ok tis is abit late. so you can try this out next year. bound to work. sure a.

here is a list of equipment you will need.

mp3 recorder / handphone / anything with earphones that can record and playback
a good friend who will do anything you say
an idol
lots of perseverance

first, get an idol. some examples include robert pattinson, emma watson, adam lambert, and me. hee. make sure you are totally in love with him. or her. or it will not work.

find a good friend. instruct this friend to keep making funny faces and saying 'you cant catch me' while being in front of you. make sure he or she actually is faster than you.

record yourself saying '(insert idol's name here) will give me water and help me beat (insert friend's name here) up too' into your whatever you're using. put it on perma-loop.

this is the hardest part. DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING FOR 24 HOURS BEFORE THE RUN.

during the run, listen to your recording, and make sure your friend does as many funny faces as he or she can.

there you are. CONFIRM A. if not a means u can go and die.

YOURS GL-LY, JESSE.

National Day Songs

i shall attempt my amazing translation skills today.

Dayung sampan, dayung dayung sampan - my sampan name is dayung
Berlabuh datang Bandar China sampai Singapura - i row dayung all the bloody long way from china to singapore
Dayung sampan, dayung dayung sampan - on my beloved sampan called dayung
Dayung mendayung sampan sampai ke Singapura - but my sampan say singapura very hot
Dayung Mendayung sampai ke Singapura - so i tell it that singapura is not hot
Dayung, dayung, dayung, dayung, dayung, hoi! - dayung dayung dayung dayung dayung is my sampan

wtf i must be really bored. therefore, lets try one more.

Munneru valiba - my name is munneru valiba
Munneri endrum - endru is my surname
Thoduvan nok ku vai - thoduvan is my dad
Kan the ri ya they - cant they all see
Kar Irullil - that irullil car is the best
Oli rum vin mee nay - drink vin mee nay rum inside
Thanimaiyalay payantha nadugal - end up talking some gibberish
Irulil oli per unnai nadum - irulil car is always the best
Manil nok ku valiba - dont anyhow say valiba
En drum mun ne ri - or i drum you on the head
Thodu van nok ku vai - thoduvan is my dad

omg. what was i thinking.

ok this is. crap.

i mean no offence to national day songs people. this is all in fun.

yours GL-LY, JESSE.