A Tribute To Dwayne

It was just another normal day at school for Dwayne. Tests, getting scolded for not doing homework, tests, getting scolded again, more tests... etc. How much could he take? He was just a normal 14 year old boy with the same problems any other schoolchild would have.

Ok, maybe not so normal. Well, the secret was that Dwayne was in LOVE! Recently, he had met this beautiful girl whose name was __________. Ever since then, Dwayne had no heart to neither do his homework nor study for tests, which explained his drastically falling grades. However, in his mind, he couldn’t care less. He only wanted to be with __________ for the rest of his life.

“Hey Dwayne! Wanna watch a movie with me and Charles on Saturday? Its gonna be DRAGONBALL! How cool is that!” Caleb, who was like Dwayne’s BESTBEST friend, asked him. Dwayne wanted to open his mouth to answer immediately, but something stopped him. After thinking with his mouth opening and closing like a spoilt machine, he finally realized what the problem was. He had actually asked __________ out for a date on that day!

“Erm, no, can’t. Family matters.” Dwayne muttered. He then turned away the concerned questions directed towards him by Caleb. Feeling disappointed, Caleb walked away, leaving Dwayne in his own world. But Dwayne couldn’t care less that he had disappointed Caleb. All he could do was to think and hope that Saturday would come quickly.

Finally, the big day came. Dwayne put on his best clothes and spent at least an hour in front of the mirror making sure that his hair was in tip-top condition. At last feeling confident of himself, Dwayne stepped out of the door. Just then, the neighbor’s dog, which apparently did not like Dwayne’s new perfume, started barking at him. After throwing 43 sticks at the dog, the last which hit its nose, the dog finally stopped barking and slunk away with its tail between its legs.

On the way to Tampines Mall, Dwayne kept singing ‘Who Let The Dogs Out’ to himself, as he was not sure. After realizing that it was his neighbor who actually let the dog out, he realized that he had overshot Tampines Mall by 14 bus stops. Inwardly cursing himself for his stupidity, he got on a taxi and finally reached his destination.

__________ was waiting for him, tapping her foot impatiently. But when she saw how Dwayne had rushed there, her heart melted into a puddle. After cleaning the puddle up, they had to make the important decision on where to spend their first date together.

As Dwayne was inexperienced in such matters, he suggested that they go watch a movie. To his surprise, __________ agreed without much thought. Upon reaching the cinema, they realized that almost all the tickets for the movies were sold out. Just when they were about to give up and find an alternative, they realized that there were only TWO more tickets for DRAGONBALL.

Using his 3 days of kungfu knowledge, Dwayne did a quadru-backflip towards the counter. Landing nimbly on his butt, Dwayne politely requested with vulgarities that he get the last two tickets for DRAGONBALL. The surprised counter-girl had no choice but to accede to his request for fear of being killed by Dwayne and his butter knife which he had someone managed to brandish while flipping through the air.

__________ was superbly impressed by his Kung Fu Panda antics. “Wow”, she gushed. “That was much better than anything Jack Black could ever do!” Dwayne’s face turned red with embarrassment. They then made their way into the theater and settled down for the movie.

Just as the movie was starting, Dwayne felt someone poke him in the stomach from behind. Turning around, he saw the grinning face of Caleb bearing down on him.

“Wow look FAMILY MATTERS! HEY EVERYONE COME AND LOOK IT’S DWAYNE AND HIS FAMILY!” Caleb practically shouted to his friends. The commotion that occurred next could have rivaled the one which happened when Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong announced that he was going for a swim in the Singapore River.

__________ was nearly in tears. “Dwayne! You only brought me here so that all your friends could see me with you! You.. you.. PUMPKIN!” With that, she stormed out of the cinema, with Dwayne attempting to chase after her. However, he failed in his bid as Caleb kept blocking him with taunts of “HA HA PUMPKIN! DWAYNEKIN!” and all the other things that he could think up of.

It was Dwayne’s turn to be in tears. He felt like HE was the one who was being used. However, he had lied to his friends, and now he had lost __________ for life. There was nothing left in the world for him to live for.

Back in his own mind, Dwayne realized that there was a puddle of tears on the floor. Taking up a mop, he mopped the floor for two hours until he realized that he was mopping the wrong area of the floor. Cursing himself for his own stupidity, he picked up his razor blade and stared at it, wondering if he should just drive it into himself. Don’t do stupid things Dwayne... __________ might still love you.

right im terribly sorry i cant think of a better ending. so.. TOO BAD! haaa
yours GL-LY, JESSE.