NAPFA Tests

ok im bored. so lets haf a post on napfa tests cos it has come to my amazing attention that many lower sec ppl are having the dreaded THING called napfa test.

for ppl who dont alr know, napfa test is split into six portions.

situps.
after finishing with this one, you will never complain about indigestion again. it gives one terrible stomach cramps =) sounds fun. and den doing too fast u go bang your head against the mat and give u headache afterward. terrible.

personal record: 49. i got weak stomach =X

inclined pullups / pullups.
if ur immature and stupid, you do the first. joking. when u get to upper sec, guys, be happy to hit double digits. nth to say abt this one cos i see ppl failing napfa cos of this. at least you know youre not the only one. even terrible-ler den above.

personal record: 4. i was surprised too. =)

sit and reach.
reminds me of the song 'good day' by the click five with the old singer that is 389472389047283904718304 times better than the one now. although he has lousy hair. gorillas seem to do well for this, but so do those ppl with horribly long fingernails that seem to leave their mark everywhere.
(you're looking (reaching) for something you cant find..)

personal record: 48cm. BUT IM NO GORILLA.

shuttle run.
this makes you look stupid, feel stupid, and the stupidest ppl of all are the ppl who invented this one. what the hell are we gna run the same road four times for. the only person who will do well for this is usain bolt. if you dont know who this fella is, tell me which hole you live in, ill pay a visit. must be really deep.

personal record: 9.7s. i ran 40m slower den usain bolt running 100m. although he doesnt have to twist and turn like a retard.

standing broad jump.
honestly, who cares how long you jump. flap your hands like an idiot, soar with the gracefulness of a pig and land with the lightness of a ton of bricks. practically much of the way to success is determined by how long your legs are. of course there are some exceptions to this rule, but still rules are meant to be broken.

personal record: 269cm. i broke the rule =)

and the most dreaded of all, the 2.4 kilometer run.
nobody in the right mind would think its really 2.4km. of course they took the decimal point out. one third into it you already know who are the fit and the unfit, one half into the course you see people vomiting and pale as a lord voldemort, and by the end people collapse like collapsers which collapse all the time. ever wondered why the sjab get to slack and laugh at u all as u slog by? then again you see the occasional person making use of outside help such as music and drugs and encouragement from girlfriends to get through. the things people do to get their wants..

personal record: 8m17sec.

of coz u're all wondering how to do better for napfa. its easy. i give you three methods that are bound to work.

1. take drugs. just make sure no one catches you
2. be good friends with the person writing the results down on that paper. and then just talk to him.
3. bribe the teacher with anything that works.

goodluck for your napfa if it is not already over.

i hope you get the following results
situps: 3487
inclined pullups / pullups: 173
sit and reach: 14..km
shuttle run: 1.63s
standing broad jump: 988cm
2.4km run: 2m53sec

if anyone gets these results, please contact me with supporting documents and i will gladly supply you with a whole lifetime of chocolates. if you dont like chocolates, TOO BAD!

yours bored-ly and GL-LY, JESSE.