recently i have been talking with jazzen and asking him some questions. therefore i shall tell u what i have learnt from him.
gender: male
sexual orientation: UNKNOWN
favorite book: harry potter
favorite character: serial rapist
favorite food: honeydew
favorite activity: stomping on flowers
hobby: finding new flowers to stomp on
therefore i have written a song in tribute for his serial rapist character and his fetish for honeydews. this is what happens what you get too bored during amath class.
Original - Feeling Good - Adam Lambert
Edited - Coming Good - JAZZEN
my bird flying high
you know how i feel
sprayed in the sky
you know how i feel
flowers stomped on by
you know how i feel
its a new dawn, its a new day
its a new world, for me
when i think of honeydew
tadpoles in your sea
you know how i feel
river running free
you know how i feel
plucked down from the tree
you know how i feel
its a new dawn, its a new day
its a new world, for me
when i think of honeydew
let it dry out in the sun
you know what i mean dont you know
my bird is out having fun
you know how i feel
steaming through
right till the day is done
in this old world, its a new world
in a whole world, for me
yeah
bird, when u shine
you know how i feel
who says it cant fly
you know how i feel
your flower is mine
you know how i feel
its a new dawn, its a new day
and you're mine, for me
for me, oh
im coming, im coming
im coming good
oh, honeydew
im coming on honeydew
gonna get rambo-ed soon, but nobody ask u to write a post on a serial rapist on your blog.
YOURS Gl-LY, JESSE
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
NAPFA Tests
ok im bored. so lets haf a post on napfa tests cos it has come to my amazing attention that many lower sec ppl are having the dreaded THING called napfa test.
for ppl who dont alr know, napfa test is split into six portions.
situps.
after finishing with this one, you will never complain about indigestion again. it gives one terrible stomach cramps =) sounds fun. and den doing too fast u go bang your head against the mat and give u headache afterward. terrible.
personal record: 49. i got weak stomach =X
inclined pullups / pullups.
if ur immature and stupid, you do the first. joking. when u get to upper sec, guys, be happy to hit double digits. nth to say abt this one cos i see ppl failing napfa cos of this. at least you know youre not the only one. even terrible-ler den above.
personal record: 4. i was surprised too. =)
sit and reach.
reminds me of the song 'good day' by the click five with the old singer that is 389472389047283904718304 times better than the one now. although he has lousy hair. gorillas seem to do well for this, but so do those ppl with horribly long fingernails that seem to leave their mark everywhere.
(you're looking (reaching) for something you cant find..)
personal record: 48cm. BUT IM NO GORILLA.
shuttle run.
this makes you look stupid, feel stupid, and the stupidest ppl of all are the ppl who invented this one. what the hell are we gna run the same road four times for. the only person who will do well for this is usain bolt. if you dont know who this fella is, tell me which hole you live in, ill pay a visit. must be really deep.
personal record: 9.7s. i ran 40m slower den usain bolt running 100m. although he doesnt have to twist and turn like a retard.
standing broad jump.
honestly, who cares how long you jump. flap your hands like an idiot, soar with the gracefulness of a pig and land with the lightness of a ton of bricks. practically much of the way to success is determined by how long your legs are. of course there are some exceptions to this rule, but still rules are meant to be broken.
personal record: 269cm. i broke the rule =)
and the most dreaded of all, the 2.4 kilometer run.
nobody in the right mind would think its really 2.4km. of course they took the decimal point out. one third into it you already know who are the fit and the unfit, one half into the course you see people vomiting and pale as a lord voldemort, and by the end people collapse like collapsers which collapse all the time. ever wondered why the sjab get to slack and laugh at u all as u slog by? then again you see the occasional person making use of outside help such as music and drugs and encouragement from girlfriends to get through. the things people do to get their wants..
personal record: 8m17sec.
of coz u're all wondering how to do better for napfa. its easy. i give you three methods that are bound to work.
1. take drugs. just make sure no one catches you
2. be good friends with the person writing the results down on that paper. and then just talk to him.
3. bribe the teacher with anything that works.
goodluck for your napfa if it is not already over.
i hope you get the following results
situps: 3487
inclined pullups / pullups: 173
sit and reach: 14..km
shuttle run: 1.63s
standing broad jump: 988cm
2.4km run: 2m53sec
if anyone gets these results, please contact me with supporting documents and i will gladly supply you with a whole lifetime of chocolates. if you dont like chocolates, TOO BAD!
yours bored-ly and GL-LY, JESSE.
for ppl who dont alr know, napfa test is split into six portions.
situps.
after finishing with this one, you will never complain about indigestion again. it gives one terrible stomach cramps =) sounds fun. and den doing too fast u go bang your head against the mat and give u headache afterward. terrible.
personal record: 49. i got weak stomach =X
inclined pullups / pullups.
if ur immature and stupid, you do the first. joking. when u get to upper sec, guys, be happy to hit double digits. nth to say abt this one cos i see ppl failing napfa cos of this. at least you know youre not the only one. even terrible-ler den above.
personal record: 4. i was surprised too. =)
sit and reach.
reminds me of the song 'good day' by the click five with the old singer that is 389472389047283904718304 times better than the one now. although he has lousy hair. gorillas seem to do well for this, but so do those ppl with horribly long fingernails that seem to leave their mark everywhere.
(you're looking (reaching) for something you cant find..)
personal record: 48cm. BUT IM NO GORILLA.
shuttle run.
this makes you look stupid, feel stupid, and the stupidest ppl of all are the ppl who invented this one. what the hell are we gna run the same road four times for. the only person who will do well for this is usain bolt. if you dont know who this fella is, tell me which hole you live in, ill pay a visit. must be really deep.
personal record: 9.7s. i ran 40m slower den usain bolt running 100m. although he doesnt have to twist and turn like a retard.
standing broad jump.
honestly, who cares how long you jump. flap your hands like an idiot, soar with the gracefulness of a pig and land with the lightness of a ton of bricks. practically much of the way to success is determined by how long your legs are. of course there are some exceptions to this rule, but still rules are meant to be broken.
personal record: 269cm. i broke the rule =)
and the most dreaded of all, the 2.4 kilometer run.
nobody in the right mind would think its really 2.4km. of course they took the decimal point out. one third into it you already know who are the fit and the unfit, one half into the course you see people vomiting and pale as a lord voldemort, and by the end people collapse like collapsers which collapse all the time. ever wondered why the sjab get to slack and laugh at u all as u slog by? then again you see the occasional person making use of outside help such as music and drugs and encouragement from girlfriends to get through. the things people do to get their wants..
personal record: 8m17sec.
of coz u're all wondering how to do better for napfa. its easy. i give you three methods that are bound to work.
1. take drugs. just make sure no one catches you
2. be good friends with the person writing the results down on that paper. and then just talk to him.
3. bribe the teacher with anything that works.
goodluck for your napfa if it is not already over.
i hope you get the following results
situps: 3487
inclined pullups / pullups: 173
sit and reach: 14..km
shuttle run: 1.63s
standing broad jump: 988cm
2.4km run: 2m53sec
if anyone gets these results, please contact me with supporting documents and i will gladly supply you with a whole lifetime of chocolates. if you dont like chocolates, TOO BAD!
yours bored-ly and GL-LY, JESSE.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Fruit Platter-Opia
ok due to excessive requests for an update on this blog, i shall kindly oblige you all.
once upon a time there was a man. his name was jazzen. he enjoyed eating many fruits, such as apples, pears and strawberries. due to this weird obsessive habit, he used to have a fruit platter for dinner every night. what a lucky man he was.
one day, he decided to go overseas in search of more exotic fruits such as the greenberry and not-so-orange oranges, which were actually blue in color. he decided to go to the long lost land of fruit platteropia. upon his arrival there, he was greeted by the chief of the island.
'welcome to fruit platteropia! here you will find many kinds of fruits, such as honeydews and the like! however, you must pass our test before being allowed to pick fruits from the Orchard of Eternal Fruit." upon listening to this, jazzen immediately asked what he had to do in order to pick fruits from the Orchard of Eternal Fruit. the chief answered him simply by pointing to a hut in which many noises seemed to be coming from.
upon entering the hut, jason was greeted by many fat women. each of them held an exotic fruit in their hands, for example the abovementioned greenberries, honeydews and weird oranges, and yet others such as durians without spikes and cherries the size of his head. jazzen could not wait to hear his task. he asked, 'what do i have to do to get these exotic fruits?'
he wished that he hadnt had asked. he was told that if he wanted to eat greenberries, he would have to #@&$*@ with the person holding them. he gulped. wondered whether he would still be alive after #@&$*@. in the end, he decided that it would be a small price to pay for such a wondrous fruit.
he started on the first woman.
he was never seen since.
in memory of jazzen, who loved fruits to the end.
P.S. this post is purely fictional and any resemblance to any living persons named jazzen or sounding like it is not intended. (yeah right)
yours GL-LY and super-lamely cause u all force me to update so i dont know what to write, JESSE.
once upon a time there was a man. his name was jazzen. he enjoyed eating many fruits, such as apples, pears and strawberries. due to this weird obsessive habit, he used to have a fruit platter for dinner every night. what a lucky man he was.
one day, he decided to go overseas in search of more exotic fruits such as the greenberry and not-so-orange oranges, which were actually blue in color. he decided to go to the long lost land of fruit platteropia. upon his arrival there, he was greeted by the chief of the island.
'welcome to fruit platteropia! here you will find many kinds of fruits, such as honeydews and the like! however, you must pass our test before being allowed to pick fruits from the Orchard of Eternal Fruit." upon listening to this, jazzen immediately asked what he had to do in order to pick fruits from the Orchard of Eternal Fruit. the chief answered him simply by pointing to a hut in which many noises seemed to be coming from.
upon entering the hut, jason was greeted by many fat women. each of them held an exotic fruit in their hands, for example the abovementioned greenberries, honeydews and weird oranges, and yet others such as durians without spikes and cherries the size of his head. jazzen could not wait to hear his task. he asked, 'what do i have to do to get these exotic fruits?'
he wished that he hadnt had asked. he was told that if he wanted to eat greenberries, he would have to #@&$*@ with the person holding them. he gulped. wondered whether he would still be alive after #@&$*@. in the end, he decided that it would be a small price to pay for such a wondrous fruit.
he started on the first woman.
he was never seen since.
in memory of jazzen, who loved fruits to the end.
P.S. this post is purely fictional and any resemblance to any living persons named jazzen or sounding like it is not intended. (yeah right)
yours GL-LY and super-lamely cause u all force me to update so i dont know what to write, JESSE.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Joke. (don't read this during meals)
There was once this couple.
The wife was very angry with her husband because he had a habit of farting every morning.
The wife told her husband, "do that too often and one day you'll fart your intestines out!"
The husband laughed at her and shrugged it off.
Naturally, the wife decided to teach her husband a lesson.
So, she took a turkey's innards and placed them in her husband's pants.
Next morning....
*a disgusting noise followed by a terrified scream is heard coming from the bathroom*
Wife snickers and rushes to the bathroom.
Husband(pale faced): Oh my...It...it really happened...
Wife: what happened?
Husband: My intestines...*shivers*...they really came out...*moans*
Wife(forcing back a giggle): Stay calm. I'll call for an ambulance.
Husband: No need.
Wife(puzzled): Why?
Husband grins smugly.
"With the help of some lubricants, I managed to stuff them back in!"
Teehee. EMMAUS.
The wife was very angry with her husband because he had a habit of farting every morning.
The wife told her husband, "do that too often and one day you'll fart your intestines out!"
The husband laughed at her and shrugged it off.
Naturally, the wife decided to teach her husband a lesson.
So, she took a turkey's innards and placed them in her husband's pants.
Next morning....
*a disgusting noise followed by a terrified scream is heard coming from the bathroom*
Wife snickers and rushes to the bathroom.
Husband(pale faced): Oh my...It...it really happened...
Wife: what happened?
Husband: My intestines...*shivers*...they really came out...*moans*
Wife(forcing back a giggle): Stay calm. I'll call for an ambulance.
Husband: No need.
Wife(puzzled): Why?
Husband grins smugly.
"With the help of some lubricants, I managed to stuff them back in!"
Teehee. EMMAUS.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
A Song Parody!
as jason has guai-laned me im gna do it back to him. as im a terribly nice person i will not be posting any unglam pics of him looking into space or flirting with k*******. or d******. or a***. jason my camera is everywhere. =)
so i shall dedicate a SONG as im a musical person. =) evil smile.
think of jason singing the song below..
Original - No Boundaries - KRIS ALLEN VERSION DAMMIT =)
Edited - No Boundaries - JASON
Ohh
Seconds hours so many days
I know what i want but how long can i wait
Every moment lasts forever
Whenever i ask you out
I know my chances are already gone
I started believing that you were the one
And you gave me one good reason
To love and never walk away
So here i am still holding on
With every step i find another woman
Every girl its easier to believe
Ill make it through the clothes
Rip off what is left
To get to that ONE THING (salivates)
Just when i think that i am getting no where
Just when i almost gave up all my dreams
I take you by the %*&#@#$ and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
I fought to the limit and you lie on the ground
No doubt today is as good as will get
You know where the futures headed
When ive got you on the ground
Teacher tell me must use condom
I know it is safe, i never knew why
But now i know why
So here i am still holding on
With every step i find another woman
Every girl its easier to believe
Ill make it through the clothes
Rip off what is left
To get to that ONE THING (salivates)
Just when i think that i am getting no where
Just when i almost gave up all my dreams
I take you by the %*&#@#$ and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
I can go higher
I can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath me
Stomp every flower cause theres no one there to hear you scream
With every step i find another woman
Every girl its easier to believe
Ill make it through the clothes
Rip off what is left
To get to that ONE THING (salivates)
Just when i think that i am getting no where
Just when i almost gave up all my dreams
I take you by the %*&#@#$ and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
think sick my readers. thats what jason is. sicko post my picture on the web. some paedophile. idiot. nevermind NOW UR GONNA PAY. =)
yours GL-LY cause u GL-ED me first, JESSE!
so i shall dedicate a SONG as im a musical person. =) evil smile.
think of jason singing the song below..
Original - No Boundaries - KRIS ALLEN VERSION DAMMIT =)
Edited - No Boundaries - JASON
Ohh
Seconds hours so many days
I know what i want but how long can i wait
Every moment lasts forever
Whenever i ask you out
I know my chances are already gone
I started believing that you were the one
And you gave me one good reason
To love and never walk away
So here i am still holding on
With every step i find another woman
Every girl its easier to believe
Ill make it through the clothes
Rip off what is left
To get to that ONE THING (salivates)
Just when i think that i am getting no where
Just when i almost gave up all my dreams
I take you by the %*&#@#$ and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
I fought to the limit and you lie on the ground
No doubt today is as good as will get
You know where the futures headed
When ive got you on the ground
Teacher tell me must use condom
I know it is safe, i never knew why
But now i know why
So here i am still holding on
With every step i find another woman
Every girl its easier to believe
Ill make it through the clothes
Rip off what is left
To get to that ONE THING (salivates)
Just when i think that i am getting no where
Just when i almost gave up all my dreams
I take you by the %*&#@#$ and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
I can go higher
I can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath me
Stomp every flower cause theres no one there to hear you scream
With every step i find another woman
Every girl its easier to believe
Ill make it through the clothes
Rip off what is left
To get to that ONE THING (salivates)
Just when i think that i am getting no where
Just when i almost gave up all my dreams
I take you by the %*&#@#$ and show you that you can
There are no boundaries
There are no boundaries
think sick my readers. thats what jason is. sicko post my picture on the web. some paedophile. idiot. nevermind NOW UR GONNA PAY. =)
yours GL-LY cause u GL-ED me first, JESSE!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Lie Detector Robot… Part II
lets continue on emmaus's story there...
if you havent read the first part i suggest you do so first.
the wife, impressed by the lie detector robot's powers, decided to try it out for herself. after cornering her husband in her room, she started a conversation with her husband.
WIFE: do you love me?
HUSBAND: yes.
*slap*
WIFE: DO YOU LOVE ME!?
HUSBAND: no...
WIFE: do you keep any mistresses?
HUSBAND: no.
*slap*
WIFE: DO YOU KEEP ANY MISTRESSES?
HUSBAND: ok, just one..
*slap*
WIFE: ...
HUSBAND: ok three thousand.
WIFE: how the hell do you keep so many?
HUSBAND: i dont know.
WIFE: you unfaithful bastard.
HUSBAND: what about you? do you keep any other lover?
WIFE: of course not.
*slap*
HUSBAND: ...
just then, the son walks in.
SON: mom, dad, i want to tell you both that i love you.
*slap*
WIFE and HUSBAND: ... how long have you been listening outside?
SON: i just walked in.
*slap*
WIFE and HUSBAND: goddammit..
therefore, we should never rely too much on robots. or we may get more then we bargained for.
yours GL-LY, JESSE.
if you havent read the first part i suggest you do so first.
the wife, impressed by the lie detector robot's powers, decided to try it out for herself. after cornering her husband in her room, she started a conversation with her husband.
WIFE: do you love me?
HUSBAND: yes.
*slap*
WIFE: DO YOU LOVE ME!?
HUSBAND: no...
WIFE: do you keep any mistresses?
HUSBAND: no.
*slap*
WIFE: DO YOU KEEP ANY MISTRESSES?
HUSBAND: ok, just one..
*slap*
WIFE: ...
HUSBAND: ok three thousand.
WIFE: how the hell do you keep so many?
HUSBAND: i dont know.
WIFE: you unfaithful bastard.
HUSBAND: what about you? do you keep any other lover?
WIFE: of course not.
*slap*
HUSBAND: ...
just then, the son walks in.
SON: mom, dad, i want to tell you both that i love you.
*slap*
WIFE and HUSBAND: ... how long have you been listening outside?
SON: i just walked in.
*slap*
WIFE and HUSBAND: goddammit..
therefore, we should never rely too much on robots. or we may get more then we bargained for.
yours GL-LY, JESSE.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Lie Detector Robot
Once a man bought a lie detector robot, which slaps liars.
He decided to test it out. On his son.
FATHER: where have you been today?
SON: Supplementary lesson.
*slap*
FATHER: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
SON: At my friend's house
FATHER: What did you do there?
SON: Project work.
*slap*
FATHER: WHAT DID YOU DO THERE?
SON: watch movie...play computer...
***
later during dinner...
FATHER says to WIFE: Wow! this lie detector robot works really well!
FATHER: When I was young there was no need for such things. Cos I never lied
*slap*
WIFE: HAHAHA! Like father like son!
*slap!*
Teehee. EMMAUS.
He decided to test it out. On his son.
FATHER: where have you been today?
SON: Supplementary lesson.
*slap*
FATHER: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
SON: At my friend's house
FATHER: What did you do there?
SON: Project work.
*slap*
FATHER: WHAT DID YOU DO THERE?
SON: watch movie...play computer...
***
later during dinner...
FATHER says to WIFE: Wow! this lie detector robot works really well!
FATHER: When I was young there was no need for such things. Cos I never lied
*slap*
WIFE: HAHAHA! Like father like son!
*slap!*
Teehee. EMMAUS.
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